Pillar-Content: How to write a blog sentence
Yaro Starak, the Aussie “make-more-money-online-you-dimwit” guru tells me I gotta have pillar content for my blog. These articles constantly are going to drive unwanted traffic to datadirt. And Yaro says that How-to postings are a good way to achieve a strong pillar effect, so first I wanted to blog about how to blog (how to find the proper topic, that is.), but then it suddenly hit me: first things first, mate! All postings consist of proper sentences in the first place, so I decided to go on rambling about how to write a blog-posting sentence. I hope this will drive all desolate creatures out there – SEO dogs, bloggers and the like – to my blog for eternity.
Maybe I'll tell you how to find proper topics later on. And thanks for the reminder, but yes: I know that all sentences start with words, but I'll tell you how to find the proper word later. Maybe this is even going to turn into a pillar-content-series. No fillers, promised! (But there's tons of affliliate links to come.)
So first, we gotta ask ourselves: what exactly is a sentence? English teachers tell us it's basically a big or small bunch of words, thrown together in proper order and finished by an infinitessimaly small dot. Or a question mark. Or an exclamation mark. Generally, it's a good idea to first choose a proper stop-mark for your sentence in order to let the read know that a new sentence is about to begin. Once you've managed to complete this extremely important task, you should now go for…
The first word of the sentence
There are many words, you can find some of them online. But be careful: not all words are apt as a starting point. Like “crud”, which is a word but yet again a whole sentence in itself. Or cunt, which is not so good for more obvious reasons. Personally, I prefer words beginning with the letter A or T, for example “Asfixation” or “Tourette Syndrome”. If you're totally undecided, you can always go with I – but not every time, as changing the so called ferstwerd (author slang) is vital. Sometimes it's even enough to just change the ferstwerd and put add a simple “,too” at the end of your second sentence:
Asfixation kind of sounds like ass fixation. Tourette Syndrome kind of sounds like ass fixation, too.
Young sentence builder, you're good to go now: once the first word has been written down, it's very easy to complete the sentence. Don't get distracted by style guides and know-it-alls you tell you to put focus on the verb. The verb totally doesn't matter. For the first couple of weeks, “to be” will do:
I am being totally happy. Christmas is this year.
That's what pros call the “ontological writing style”, which is totally uber-important for all pillar articles, as you're trying to define something here, right?
Multi-sentenced sentences
Once you advance in writing level, you'll probably want to start using commas as well. But be carefull though: stick to one sentence whenever possible, or you're bound to confuse your readers:
I am suffering form asfixation, I am suffering from Tourette syndrome, too, I decided to write this article, I hope you are now reading it.
Most writers tend to over-use new tools, it's basically the same problem with people who start using word and insert a wordart graphic on every single page. Just keep these advices in mind and your sentences will rule supremely over anybody else's!
Wanna know more? Enlist in my online course “How to write other sentences than all most other people.” The course covers a variety of vital topics (sentences that don't start with I, other verbs besides “to be” to name just the two most important ones.) It's just 300 dollars a month, or you pay me 3.000 dollars upfront – and you'll see where this gets you. Just look at me. If I hadn't paid for my own course, I could have never written this many sentences! And don't forget: once you know how to write succesfull sentences, the money will come back to you. No, it will flood you. You'll wish you never made so much money as you gonna need a way bigger flat to store all your brand-new 100 dollar bills. And a bigger car to transport them. And a bigger anus to stick your own head into, as you gonna be so self-satisfied that it actually hurts.
Don't even think of blaming me if you scheme won't work. It it doesn't, it's purely your fault, you dimwit. Didn't I tell you to stick to simnple sentences for the first few weeks?